Escaping Alcohol Dependence

My name is "Narihisa Tamura", and I'm a 42-year-old single salaryman.

Today is the company's year-end party, so we all went to an izakaya.

After a toast with beer, I drank a lot of my favorite shochu and sake, and by the time I left the store, I was so drunk that my feet were unsteady.

"Okay! Let's go to the second party now! Let's all go to karaoke!"

The boss invited everyone, but I decided to leave...

"Hey, Tamura, aren't you coming?"

"Ah, I have something to do..."

"I see... Well, see you tomorrow at the office then!"

"Yeah, see you..."

Although we parted ways, it would be unthinkable to just go straight home.

Because when I drink, I get the urge to go to a sex shop.

I can't hold back this desire anymore!

So, I walked alone through the red-light district and entered my regular fashion health store.

But since this store is popular, there are always a lot of customers. That's why it takes a while for my turn to come.

"Okay, I'll cut my nails while I wait... I have to be careful not to hurt the girl."

I trimmed my nails short with the nail clippers provided in the waiting room.

Then, after about 30 minutes, it was finally my turn.

"Welcome! I'm Madoka!"

There was a very cute girl in the room who greeted me with a smile.

"Ah, nice to meet you, Madoka-chan..."

On top of that, her style was perfect! Her chest looked to be about a G-cup.

Today's my lucky day!

After that, I thoroughly enjoyed my adult time.

I was so excited that I even ended up extending my time.

The Next Day

"Good morning."

"Hey, Tamura, what's wrong? You've got some serious dark circles."

"Huh? Ah, I didn't get much sleep..."

"Even though you didn't go to the second party?"

"Well, I had some things going on... Hahaha!"

Yesterday, I got home past 1 am, and then I started drinking again, so I didn't go to bed until dawn.

I probably only slept for about two hours...

I'm not at an age where I can work while sleep-deprived, so I was dazed in the morning, but I thought I'd try to work hard in the afternoon, so I just stared at my computer for a while.

However, I started feeling sleepy, so I thought this was bad and tried to stay awake by checking out some adult sites.

(Oh, this girl is cute... Oh, this one's nice too, she's my type!)

I started going to sex shops after drinking about two years ago.

Back then, I even had a wife named Miyuki.

She was kind and beautiful, a good wife.

Now that I think about it, it was all my fault...

"I'm home♪"

"Come on, you've been drinking again? You promised not to drink this month! You're totally drunk!"

Even then, I loved drinking and did so every day. I also went to hostess bars behind my wife's back.

But maybe she got tired of my drunken lifestyle, because one day she suddenly gave me divorce papers.

"Wait, Miyuki, wait! I'll quit drinking this time for real..."

"I've heard that so many times. I can't stay with you anymore..."

"So... that..."

I tried to persuade her, but it was no use. She stamped her seal on the papers and went back to her parents' house.

I had no choice but to submit the divorce papers.

To forget the shock of being dumped by my wife, I drowned myself in alcohol even more.

And I completely lost control, drinking and then going to sex shops, over and over again.

Sex shops are the best!

Because as long as you pay money, the girls will treat you kindly, it's like paradise!

You don't have to make any effort to be popular at all.

Your wife may get older, but at sex shops, you can always choose young girls.

Moreover, unless you become a regular customer, it's just a one-time thing, so they don't meddle in your private life.

And that's how I got completely hooked on alcohol and sex shops, and here I am today.

Sex shops are a paradise for me, but if I go there sober, I get nervous and scared.

So I always made sure to drink before going to the store.

I have to drink and get my mood up...

I'd go to the sex shop when I was feeling good and tipsy.

Because of this, lately, I feel like I've been drinking even more.

I don't know if I drink because I want to go to the sex shop, or if I want to drink because I want to go there, to be honest.

Because of this lifestyle, of course, my finances became tight.

It usually costs around 20,000 JPY to use a sex shop once.

But going every time is expensive, so lately, I've been trying to go to cheaper places.

Even so, there's a limit to how much you can save, so I still end up spending more than 10,000 JPY each time.

(I had fun at the sex shop today, but will my salary last until the next payday?)

If this continues, my wallet will be empty.

No matter how you look at it, I'm in a pinch...

The best thing to do would be to stop going to sex shops, but it wasn't that easy to quit.

I can't hold off drinking for even a day now.

So, I drink every day.

And when I drink, I end up using a sex shop.

That was the cycle I was stuck in.

One Day

So, one day...

I was looking at an adult site at work and found a delivery health service that was having a super cheap campaign.

(Oh, this place is cheap, 50% off for first-time customers, 5000 JPY for 60 minutes!? That's amazing! And it's a 20s specialty store, so there are only young girls...)

As soon as work ended, I called the store and made an appointment for 7 pm at my home.

The doorbell rang almost exactly on time, so I opened the door, and there was a male staff member standing there.

"Can I get the fee first?"

"Ah, yes, it's 5000 JPY for 60 minutes, right? Here you go..."

I gave him 5000 JPY.

"Thank you. Also, there's a separate 30,000 JPY fee for first-time customers."

"Huh? But it says it's 5000 JPY for 60 minutes on the campaign!"

"That's a separate charge, sir."

"There was nothing about that anywhere on the site!"

"It's written here, look, right here..."

I checked the tablet, and sure enough, it was written in small letters at the bottom of the site...

(I can't see such small letters...)

"Well then, I'll cancel this time."

"You can't cancel, sir. It says right here that cancellations are not allowed."

"So... that..."

The staff member showed it to me, and sure enough, it was written in small letters at the bottom of the site that cancellations were not allowed.

I wasn't convinced, but since it was written on the site, I knew that the police wouldn't be able to help, and it was a civil matter, so they wouldn't intervene.

In cases like this, the only thing to do is to talk to the store directly and try to resolve the issue, or take it to court, but they're professionals. There's no way I'd win...

I had no choice but to pay the 30,000 JPY.

(35,000 JPY for 60 minutes... that's quite a high-class store price. I hope they don't send some weird girl...)

"Okay, the girl will come in after I leave, so please take care."

The staff member left, and after about three minutes...

The doorbell rang again.

(Oh, here she comes!)

I quietly opened the door to welcome her...

(You've got to be kidding me!?)

Unbelievably, there was a woman who was obviously over 60 years old standing there.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting..."

"Huh? Ah, er..."

I quickly closed the door and called the store.

"What's the meaning of this!? Your site says you're a 20s specialty store! This is completely different! She's obviously in her 60s! This is fraud! Give me my money back!"

"It's not fraud."

"Why not? Then why did you send such an old lady!?"

"That girl is 20 years old."

"Hah!? No way!"

"How can you be so sure? Do you have proof that she's not 20 years old?"

"But she obviously isn't... I only called because your homepage said you were a 20s specialty store. This is ridiculous!"

"That girl is 20 years old, I tell you!"

"That's impossible!"

"If you insist, then sue us or whatever. We'll gladly take you on. But just so you know, our store is backed by the yakuza, so be prepared!"

"So... that..."

In the end, I had no choice but to let it go.

But I couldn't bring myself to be serviced by this woman who was obviously in her 60s, so I asked her to leave...

(Damn it! I got scammed! It was a fraud!)

That night, I was so frustrated that I drank a lot.

(Damn it!)

My wallet was already thin, and now it was completely empty.

I was in a pinch and shouldn't have been drinking, but alcohol was the only thing that could comfort me.

What I learned this time was that if you go for a cheap store, the quality drops as well.

Because of that, I had a bad experience.

I wanted to erase this unpleasant memory as soon as possible.

The best way to do that was to go to a good store and be serviced by a top-class girl.

But, I had no money...

I considered borrowing from a colleague, but I felt hesitant, and I also wanted to avoid any strange rumors at work.

So, I had no choice but to borrow from a consumer finance company.

(Okay, this should be enough... hehehehe...)

I resisted the idea of borrowing money, but I figured it wouldn't be a problem if I paid it back quickly. So, I immediately went to a 50,000 JPY high-class soapland...

"Welcome~"

"Ah, thank you..."

(Cute~!)

The result was very satisfying.

High-class soaplands are the best.

The girls are beautiful, and the quality of the service is outstanding!

I had been cheap and only went to low-priced stores until now, but I couldn't be satisfied with that level anymore.

If I don't have money, I can just borrow! I wonder why I didn't do this sooner...

At first, I resisted borrowing from a consumer finance company, but now I've gotten used to it and don't hesitate at all.

Since then, I've been borrowing money, drinking, and going to sex shops. When payday comes, I make a small repayment and repeat the cycle.

Of course, this method can't continue forever, so I thought I'd pay it all back in one go when my finances were more comfortable.

But I never got to a comfortable place.

Instead, my debt kept growing.

(This is bad... What should I do... Let's drink for now!)

As my debt grew, my stress levels rose, and I drank even more.

At first glance, it may seem like I'm running away from reality, but that's not it.

This was an important way for me to change my mood.

When I'm stressed, I can't think straight, so I need to reset with alcohol.

When I drink, of course, I want to go to a sex shop...

But lately, I've been drinking too much, and sometimes my body doesn't function as a man even when I'm in the store.

Because of that, even though I paid money, I couldn't be satisfied several times in a row.

(Ah~, if this keeps up, I don't know why I'm even going... Sex shops are my life, and yet my body isn't functioning properly... It's all alcohol's fault! Okay, I'll quit drinking!?)

I thought quitting drinking was impossible for me. But I had no other choice, so to fully enjoy the sex shop, I decided to give up alcohol.

However, when I didn't drink, my hands started shaking, and I felt nauseous. I lost my appetite, and I was constantly irritated and sweating...

(Ah, alcohol... I need alcohol...)

I was only able to hold off drinking for one day. I couldn't do it anymore after that.

Because I couldn't even focus on work.

So, I went to an izakaya and drank a lot.

It was delicious.

As soon as I drank, I felt better. Alcohol seems to have a relaxing effect, it's like medicine to me.

When I drink, my hands stop shaking, and my health improves.

(Hehehe! Alcohol is amazing!)

Quitting alcohol was impossible for me.

If I don't drink, my body breaks down. If I can't quit drinking, then I'll have to give up sex shops...

That way, I can also save money...

From that day on, I refrained from going to sex shops.

At first, I was restless and couldn't stand it, but I endured it, thinking it was for my livelihood. I thought that if I could hold out for about a month, I could change my mind.

However, the more I held back, the stronger my sexual desire became.

Holiday

So, one day on a holiday...

I had been drinking since morning, and the more I drank, the more I missed the sex shop.

So I thought this was bad and decided to go to a public bath to clear my head.

I thought that sweating would make me feel refreshed.

(It's just me, huh...)

It was empty during the daytime, and there were no other customers.

(On the other side of this wall is the women's bath, right? There's no one there now, so maybe I can take a peek...)

I was already drunk, so my imagination ran wild.

(If I don't do it now, it'll be too late when other customers come. Now's my chance!)

I quietly climbed onto a chair and reached for the wall...

And then, it happened.

I slipped and fell!

When I fell, I hit the back of my head hard on the floor and passed out.

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance and had to be hospitalized.

My Brother Came to Visit

"Shigeto, are you awake? What were you doing? I heard you fell in the bath and hit the back of your head."

"Ah, I see... I'm sorry, brother..."

"You really worried me..."

When I woke up in the hospital room, my brother was there.

My brother is currently living with my parents at our family home. It seems the hospital contacted them.

He must have come because he was worried.

"You were drinking quite a lot, it seems."

"I'm sorry..."

I honestly told my brother everything that had happened.

I felt ashamed and pathetic, and I wanted to cry.

But my brother looked even more sad.

"Many people become alcohol dependent after a painful breakup. You must have been very hurt when you split up with Miyuki."

(That's right... Miyuki was worried about me... And yet I...)

"Also, your family environment can be a cause of dependence. Honestly, when we were kids, our dad used to hit our mom, and it was a mess."

"But I thought you were doing well after marrying Miyuki, so I was relieved... And now this..."

"Brother, I'm sorry..."

"No, it's my fault too. I should have paid more attention to you..."

"Brother..."

"You're completely alcohol dependent now... But you want to get better, right?"

"Yes, I do. I want to get better properly."

"Then you should go to the hospital regularly and change your environment... Why don't you join an alcohol dependence self-help group?"

"Okay... I'll try it... Thank you, brother!"

My brother has always been on my side since we were kids, and I trusted him wholeheartedly...

Following my brother's advice, I joined an alcohol dependence self-help group.

It was a great support to meet friends who could share my pain.

I'm also going to the hospital regularly and continuing intensive treatment.

Dependence isn't something that can be cured easily.

I think I'll have to go through some more difficult times.

But for the sake of my brother, who believes in me, I will definitely overcome this!